The last few weeks have been spent sitting and standing hunched over with the use of my walker. James and Sam think I need to enter a race with it! As I have grown more flexible, I would walk around the house without it, which tickled everyone. They said I looked like I was trying to sneak up on someone.
Last week’s doctor appointment brought great news: I’ve graduated from the walker, and she wants me to slowly start the process of standing upright! I was surprised to feel how taut the muscles are, it will take some time to stretch them out. Instead of a “V” Shape, I am more of a sideways “C”, but I am improving daily. She warned me to expect some back pain. It was odd, but nice to walk out of her office without the use of my walker. She expects for me to be able to drive within the next few weeks! Yes, folks! I will soon be back on the roads! I am most excited about being able to sleep in my own bed.
In the next few month or so, we will be discussing other minor procedures that will need to be done in the coming months to finish this process. We hope to have it completed by the end of this year. I am so ready to be done with all things medical, but I know I have much to be grateful for. I am thankful for my healing and that I am here living this messy and crazy life with my family.
We’ve had a couple talks with our surgeon about what happened during the end of my hospital stay. We are encouraged that she is addressing the issue, although at this time it is not clear how the mistake was made. But, she has already implemented steps to insure it doesn’t happen again, at least not on her watch! We are grateful for her apologetic reaction, that she has owned the mistake and addressed it! We hope it will help future patients receive the best possible care.
I have been conversing back and forth with another survivor, who is about six months ahead of me on her journey. She was doing backwards somersaults in the pool last weekend! At this stage, standing straight feels like a huge accomplishment, I can’t even imagine doing somersaults! Hearing her story encourages me to hope!
The kids and James have continued to lovingly take care of me. Going into this, I worried about how this would affect their day to day life. They have amazed me with how well they have handled it, and how faithfully and selflessly they have served me. They have walked alongside me with much grace, and I am so very proud of each of them. Tissue, anyone? My cup runneth over.
Bravery
I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears. Psalm 34:4
A while back, a sweet friend brought us dinner, and we were able to sneak in a short visit. She mentioned something about me being brave. I immediately denied it; most of what I have faced, I did not choose. The alternative would be to do nothing, which wouldn’t solve anything.
Several times, I’ve played our conversation over in my head, thinking about bravery. When she said it I thought of all the faces of the people I’ve met through this journey fighting cancer. I have met some amazing people, people who desperately want to live and are fighting to do so. For many it is a fight to the death.
There’s a famous John Wayne quote, “Courage is being scared to death, but saddling up anyway.”
Bravery means courageous behavior. Courage is defined as, “The ability to do something that frightens one.” And, “Strength in the face of pain or suffering.”
Ahh.. Okay, maybe I am braver than I give myself credit for. Much of this cancer journey has been downright scary. Many times over, I have had to step in a direction that was absolutely terrifying, my whole being wanted to be anywhere but here. It is only God who has sustained me, and made my path secure and enabled me to proceed.
Just out of sheer logistics, I’ve had to give up fears because I couldn’t carry them! I’ve been forced to trust in ways I never would have naturally yielded to.
Another friend I’ve been privileged to get to know on this journey is still fighting hard. Her walk has not been easy, she has had many attacks along the way. She equates it to fighting giants, walking by faith and uses 1 Samuel 17 as encouragement: “Giants try to rise up, but ‘this walk’ carries much victory on the horizon. Our God is awesome and the world needs to know that, so I live to praise Him for each step, no matter how slowly that progress seems! I am feeding the giants to the birds as I walk along!”
Feeding the giants to the birds! Amen!
1 Samuel 17: 45-47: …’You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the Lord Almighty, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied. This day the Lord will hand you over to me, and I’ll strike you down and cut off your head….and the whole world will know that there is a God in Israel. All those gathered here will know that it is not by sword or spear that the Lord saves; for the battle is the Lord’s, and he will give all of you into our hands.”
God is delivering me from fear. I have long carried a lifetime struggle with fear and worry. They have been constant companions, and I’ve been considered a bona fide worry wart. However, I am shedding that title, getting rid of those companions, and He is clothing me in something much more beautiful. I am learning to trust the Father, and he is giving me strength in the way of trust and faith. I am still a (messy) work in progress; there are many miles more to go on this journey, but I am confident that He will finish the work He began. For that, I am grateful, and I am encouraged to bravely keep going.
If you are facing a giant today, I encourage you to seek the Lord, that He would enable you to feed them to the birds!
Psalm 17:
Show me the wonder of your great love,
you who save by your right hand
those who take refuge in you from their foes.
Keep me as the apple of your eye;
hide me in the shadow of your wings
from the wicked who assail me,
from my mortal enemies who surround me.
May the Lord bless you and keep you,
Sarah
Leave a Reply