Friday’s port install went well. We were pushed back an hour, so we didn’t get started until around 10. They gave me a “margarita” through the IV and the last thing I remember was being wheeled into a room with a lot of equipment. When they were finished, I woke to a loud, “Sarah!” James joined me in recovery.

I was very groggy but unfortunately for him my wits were about me, and he didn’t get to tease me! After a procedure he had a couple years back, we had fun with him because he kept asking the same things over and over. He was hoping to have a chance to tease me the same. I was tired but coherent! 🙂

We were able to leave fairly soon for our long trek home. I was more sore than I expected to be. I was grateful for ice and the pain meds.

Today it is still tender but I am able to move my arm around quite a but more.

We plan to have a family day and enjoy the outdoors!

Thank you for praying with us. We feel very blessed by all the love and support.

We plan to start chemo this Thursday (24th) morning. Right now I feel okay about this. But my emotions have been all over the place about it. Several have said this phase is the hardest, the not knowing. I feel like I am holding my breath, waiting. But also want to suck every piece of joy and life up before we go into this next stage.

On Tuesday a dear friend is starting chemo with our same doctor. Please pray for her if the Lord lays her on your heart, her name is Jean. She has been a very big blessing to me in all of this.

Happy Easter! I hope each of you come to know the saving grace this holiday represents more fully.

Sarah’s friends are hosting a garage sale for her on May 2nd and 3rd.

If you have anything of value you’d like to donate to be sold, please contact Cristal soon: cristalcolleen at yahoo.com

Please be considerate and make sure things are in good condition, washed and complete, easy to sell.

If you’d like to donate baked goods or would like to help during the sale, please let her know as well.

Our hope is that people will not only buy the goods – “one man’s ‘junk’ is another man’s treasure” – but consider donating above and beyond when they hear Sarah’s story. All proceeds will go to their family, for medical expenses and grocery gift cards.

Thanks for all of your help!!!!

We liked the surgeon we met with today, Patricia Moorison. She spent a good deal of time talking with us and went our speed! She explained several things so that we have another layer of understanding. Each time we go to an appointment, we glean a bit more of the whole picture.

Tomorrow afternoon I have my pre-op appointment. Friday morning I am scheduled for the port install. It should be a short procedure, we are scheduled for 9 am, and I should be in recovery within an hour. The port will be placed just under my collar bone.

We should have a quiet evening at home. I will be groggy, but there shouldn’t be too much pain associated with this procedure. We hope to enjoy some family time Saturday and Sunday.

Post Chemo Surgery Options

She agreed with the oncologist about doing chemo prior to surgery. She also explained some of our options for surgery. Due to size of the tumor, the additional tumor lesions and the lymph nodes, I will probably not be eligible for a lumpectomy. At the least she expects to perform a single mastectomy but most likely her recommendation will be a double mastectomy. Of course, we will have to re-evaluate after chemo.

There are a lot of variables that could change the exact course of action we will take. She explained that the small satellite lesions surrounding the tumor are not part of the big tumor, but they are likely the beginning of individual tumors. We had not understood this, we just thought they were part of the original tumor.

I have purposely not researched what each of these surgeries entails. She gave us a brief overview. It was not a pretty picture. I am squeamish about these things, listening to her talk about how they would cut my breast open was not very comforting. The hope is that the chemo will shrink it so that when she goes in for surgery we will have clean margins.

We asked about the size of the tumor, if you remember Dr. Fain measured it at 3 cm and we wondered could it be shrinking? She says it is likely still 5 cm, the exterior part that we can see and feel is around 3 cm but if you look at the MRI films, the part that is against the wall of my chest is larger and likely where they got the 5 cm measurement.

I’ve been spending a lot of extra time in the car. I don’t usually like driving, but I haven’t minded it lately.

Every time I get out, I am surrounded by beauty! It’s spring! I love spring, the fresh greenery, the wildflowers, new beginning, new life.

The kids have seen a dove nesting and partially watched her lay her eggs and scold her mate for bringing the wrong nest supplies! We’ve observed calves in the fields. I’ve noticed scissor tails everywhere! The kids saw an owlet who had fallen out of his nest. The birds are chirping and happy as they go about their business. We’ve had some nice spring storms with that musty, just rained smell followed by a beautiful rainbow lighting up our sky! It’s been delightful.

It doesn’t feel right that in the midst of all this newness we are starting a path filled with so much uncertainty. James expressed our hearts well, he said, “my mind and my body are terrified, but my heart is at peace.” This is true.

When my flesh starts pondering what is going on in my body, it is terrified. But when my heart stays focused on God, I am at peace. The two are definitely trying to fight for prime real estate. I guess the one I feed will win.

Jesus already has the victory here, and I will continue to rest in his peace and let him lead me. It’s not that we aren’t struggling, we are. There is no way we could get through this without His covering.

As scared and as sad as I’ve been, at times I have felt wrapped in His love as if He had me snuggled on his lap. Through this darkness, He has walked with me and carried me when necessary. I know He will continue to as we go forward. I don’t understand why we are here entirely, but I know He does.

This week has started, and I am sitting in the first of 5 appointments this week. But the drive here was gorgeous. God has graced our countryside with beauty if you have the eyes to see it. My sister is watching my kids at a nearby park, they’re getting some cherished cousin playtime in! I am sitting and resting. As I sit here and my heart feels at peace. One day at a time. He will lead me.

Post script:
My drive home was guided by a beautiful sunset and the rising full moon on the other side. It was truly spectacular.

After 4 different recommendations, Tuesday we met with Dr. Jerry Fain. Though I wish he had been better prepared for our meeting, he fits our personalities well. Instead of talking at us he actually discussed the whole thing with us.

He started by drawing up a rough schematic of the breast with the lump explaining why we should not do surgery up front. He explained that though they can see the lump they can not see the fingers and whether or not they have invaded the chest wall. We had thought it was completely isolated from the chest wall.

He said he used to be a proponent of surgery first then treatment later, but it required many surgeries and the entire industry found that they were more successful to treat via chemo and targeted antibodies first, shrinking the tumor and then surgery last. This way they can monitor whether or not the treatment is working or not. If the tumor is cut out, there is no way to monitor if treatments are working.

He was also so kind to tell us he had no problem referring us to another doctor at anytime if we were no longer comfortable with him.

We are also switching surgeons, we will meet with her Tuesday for a consultation. If everything goes well, Sarah is scheduled for a port install on Friday the 18th.

We have decided Thursdays will be the best day for the treatment so that I can be home the next few days with her as she recovers. It means our weekends will be slow and quiet. We plan to start chemo the 24th.

The treatment is a combination of 4 drugs; 2 are targeted Perjeta and Herceptin (these are antibodies that target the specific cells that have gone rebellious); 2 are what they call chemo- Taxotere and Carboplatin, they are the big guns and destroy all fast dividing cells. The idea is to use the targeted drugs to immobilize or slow the growth down of the tumor and then destroy the tumor with the chemo. The treatments will be every 3 weeks for 18 weeks (6 treatments) and then maybe surgery. The Herceptin has to be given for an entire year, so even after surgery Sarah will continue treatments for some time.

Positive Bad News

Sarah asked him what it was going to do to her with being so tired already. He said it is very likely that she will actually start to feel better once the cancer starts to be compromised, after 2 treatments.

This treatment is not as risky or as aggressive as it was just a couple of years ago.

He measured the tumor at 3.6 cm x 3.6 cm, this is less than what the surgeon and MRI measured at 5 cm. We are not sure if that means it is shrinking or not.

But I figure if it is shrinking it is because people are praying for her and secondly He has guided her steps with her diet, and it is working. I look forward to the new surgeon (Patricia Morrison) doing a measurement on Tuesday.

I look forward to the days where “Positive Bad News” turns into just “Good News”, it’s coming. He will mend her. He will never let go of her.

There will be an end to these troubles!! Praise Him!