Lately it’s been a gamble, I either wake up really early or I get to sleep in a bit.
I can’t say which I prefer. For obvious reasons I am a fan of sleeping in any capacity and always grateful when my body allows me to rest.
On the other hand, the mornings that I wake early always turn into a sweet time. Sometimes I read, sometimes I journal, sometimes someone joins me for a morning talk. The house is quiet, and I can usually gather my thoughts.
Since James updated the Friday after my last chemo I’ve wanted to update often; but I have been unable to actually formulate what was on my heart into words.
Getting used to life with chemo has had its fair share of challenges. Our doctor told us Thursday right before chemo that we shouldn’t have any surprises with round 2.
Um…
Waking up with chills and fever at 3:30 am the next day constitutes as a surprise in my book. A friend had prayed for no side effects this round, and I remember laying there praying and thinking, “God, her faith!?” and the chills stopped. In mid shake they just stopped. James was out of the room trying to find the thermometer, when he got back I told him they had stopped, to just come back to bed. I laid in bed for the next few hours thinking. A couple hours later I had a fever of 102.2 but wasn’t shaking like I had in the middle of the night.
I am not sure what all that means. In addition to the fever, I was swollen and flushed red. Advil took my fever down but not the swelling or redness. Grace told me, “Mom, your eyes aren’t open all the way.”
We spent a good portion of that day in the Oncology Infusion room. They did several tests and gave me fluids and a concoction of things to battle the reaction I was having. Mostly I slept while James watched me. A dear friend asked if she could relieve James, I told her that James couldn’t be pried away! He has been my steady shoulder to lean on; he doesn’t let me get by with much.
The following few days were pretty much a blur of me laying around.
There is a scripture that plays over and over in my head. It is the story of the invalid, Jesus asked him, “Do you want to get well?”
YES!!! I want to be well. I want to live. I want to be part of the life that is swirling around me. I am learning to appreciate the small things; things that I have been guilty of taking for granted.
My nephew actually helped open my eyes to some of this.
I LOVE my niece and my nephews, they add so much joy to my heart; they are full of life, and I am always happy to be around them. When all the cousins get together, they make the sweetest chaos, and I revel in it! I may be partial, but they’re super neat kids who always make me smile. I could go on and on about each of them.
While picking up our kids after a recent doctor appointment, my nephew Jayden asked me to push him on the swing. Of course, even though I was tired, I could not say no, so he climbed on the swing, and I started pushing him. He started pumping his legs, and soon he was soaring high.
Surprised at how well he was doing, I said, “Jay! You have this swing thing down!”
“I know, you taught me at your house.”
“You remember that?!”
He proceeded to tell me in great detail about our swing set with the playhouse on it and how I had taught him to swing. He has a better memory than I do!
“Aunt Sarah, I need more gas!” was his cute way of saying, “push me more!”
I walked away refreshed. Something seemingly so little created a sweet memory in his life.This has tickled my heart over and over.
I get so busy doing, doing and going to the next thing that I often fail to live in the moment and grasp the joy of the simple things that truly matter; like teaching my nephew to swing. That is important. Why do I let things like to-do lists and busy work rob me of these simple joys?
This last weekend a dear childhood friend was married. I was blessed to be able to stand with her. We were uncertain that I would be able to make it, especially after my hard reaction to chemo, but I was pleasantly surprised that I made it. Everyone took good care of me, and I mostly held the chairs down, but I was there. She was radiant, beautiful and happy. It blessed my heart to be there with her.
A dear friend encouraged me early on in this process. Even though she is fighting cancer, she realized the importance of seizing the day. None of us are guaranteed tomorrow, but we each have THIS day to make the most of it.
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