3 down, 3 to go! We can do it!
Each chemo round has been different than the one before. It’s hard to know what to expect.
Going into this round was definitely more emotional than the last two. I found myself crying on the way in; I asked James if we could play hooky and go do something fun instead.
It was fun to dream about what we would do with a whole day to ourselves, but of course, we went in for treatment; it was a quiet chemo day. Our favorite nurse and the head nurse were on vacation, their presence was sorely missed; the day was much quieter and the room felt sad. It may have been that I was sad to be there.
Friday, I awoke without fever but with some swelling and flushed. I spent a couple hours in the infusion room getting fluids, anti- nausea meds and my neulasta shot. My friend Jean was there getting fluids as well. It was bittersweet to visit with her. I am grateful to have someone walking through this with, who understands, yet I hate that she has to go through it. She’s had a tougher go of it; she’s struggled through all sorts of weird side effects. We were seated next to a really sweet older woman who has incurable cancer named Sarah. During our last round we met an older lady named Judy who has a terminal form of ovarian cancer.
Everyone in the chemo room has a story and I have found my heart drawn to love them. You wonder what brought them there. Each one is fighting their own battle and not that we are to compare but it makes me realize mine could be so much worse. If you think of these ladies please say a prayer for them, I know God is at work in their lives. I haven’t felt pressed to say much to them but have been blessed to be able to listen to them, hear their story and then add them to my prayers. I am hopeful God will use these encounters as a means to love them. My heart hurts for the pain I see. Most of the people we’ve encountered are older but this round there were a few younger patients that I did not get to visit with.
Saturday I woke up feeling okay. This is drastically different than the last round. The only thing we’ve done differently is add some extra pre meds, plus I know several of you have been faithfully lifting us in prayer.
I am cautiously optimistic that my energy will last and I won’t drop. I also know that I may drop, and I am learning to be okay with that. It is humbling, and I’ve had some emotional days of struggling through some of this. I am grateful that He is combatting these emotions with Truth. I am grateful for James who lets me process but also helps expose lies that try to take root and continues to speak truthfully to me. He has been a true friend through this; I can’t imagine not having him by my side. I am grateful for his faithful love.
In the beginning of this process I had so many worries, concerns and practical decisions to make. Most revolved around caring for my children, being sick, housing. The Lord has provided every step of the way. He has been gentle with me. Many of you have been used to show kindness, grace and love to us in mighty ways; our hearts are truly grateful. Thank you for being willing to love us, to reach out to us in the midst of your own busyness and struggles. We feel very loved. We appreciate the prayers and all the words of encouragement. They are truly priceless and have spoken truth to our hearts and lifted us up. The timeliness of things coming our way has truly been amazing.
Our hearts are full and our cup runneth over. God is good.
On a lighter note:
I think it’s official, I’m going bald… It’s taking longer and longer to wash my face in the mornings. 🙂
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