The morning before our chemo appointment James and I were sipping coffee on the back porch. I love those times with him. We realized that we had both been thinking and praying and hoping that this could be our last chemo day. The last two rounds have been really hard on this ol’ body of mine, we’ve witnessed my strength and energy ebbing away and it has been discouraging.
We can’t imagine going through 3 more rounds of this. We’ve both been wondering since I’ve had such good results (i.e. the tumor has shrunk) if we could call it good with chemo. There isn’t an exact protocol for just 4 rounds of my regimen, typically if you just do four rounds of this they switch you to another regimen for x amount of additional rounds. Of course, I don’t want to switch to another type of drugs, different side effects for additional time. I am just ready to be done to start healing and recovering.
Imagine our amazement when the doctor sat down with us and immediately started asking about whether I could continue with chemo! He asked if I felt like my body could continue. How do you answer? How do you know what your body can handle? James was able to express his observations and concerns with the doctor; it was refreshing to have him listen and act on our concerns.
He decided, with our consent, to first try to reduce this round of chemo dosage to see if it would minimize the side effects I have been experiencing. He does not really expect it to make a difference but thinks it is worth a try before we explore other options such as possibly eliminating chemo completely. I would still be going in for final 2 infusion rounds of the targeted drugs but could possibly not do any more chemo!
We appreciate your prayers as we seek his guidance; this is a huge decision. There is no magic formula, even our doctor stated that textbooks do not tell you how the drugs will act with your body. The goal is to kill the cancer, not the patient! There is a delicate balance here. We want to do what is best all the way around whether that be continuing chemo, decreasing it or stopping it.
We want this cancer gone and gone for good. Amen!
Additional appointments
I have several appointments in the coming weeks. One is a consultation with a highly recommended Oncologist Radiologist to discuss whether I will need radiation or not. Due to the size of the original tumor and the proximity to the chest wall we have to explore this option. However, James and I are sincerely hoping that because I have responded so well to the treatment that this won’t have to happen.
Once we meet with him we hope to have enough information to start looking for our other surgeon and exploring our options. Surgery will likely happen sometime the end of August or in September. My heart is nervous thinking about that time. I know by the time it gets here God will have given me peace; we are praying and seeking his guidance and provision for this next phase.
I also need to see an Orthopedic doctor. A couple weeks ago they sent me for a cervical spine MRI because of some pain and loss of strength in one of my hands. These symptoms presented at the same time my tumor showed up so it has sat on the back burner but recently has been getting worse. The MRI shows that I have a bone spur that is putting pressure on a nerve root. I also have a protrusion of a disc on the 7th nerve root. I will likely be sent for therapy.
The MRI shows that I have a cyst and a swollen lymph on my thyroid. They’ve scheduled an ultra sound to check it out the same day as my next echogram (July 16th).
Our Chemo day went well. We had a good visit with our doctor and I am grateful for our two way relationship, that he took time to talk with us as real people.
A close friend came and spent the morning with us; what a treat to spend that time with her, we had sweet conversations and the time passed too quickly! Her visit combined with shortening my dosage had us out of there earlier than we have ever been before. We were able to go home and rest.
Another highlight of my chemo day was finding the sweet and encouraging notes my children secretly hid for me in my chemo bag! They have been troopers. I am so proud of them. I am enjoying watching them blossom and grow through this. The Lord is stretching them and molding them and I am blessed to be a witness to their lives. They are truly a gift to us.
I see them growing in compassion and wisdom. I’ve had some super sweet conversations with Sam, he continually asks for details about my treatment, how I am doing, etc.. I know he cannot fully understand all of it (neither can I for that matter), but he inquires all the same. I love that he cares. They all are very considerate of my needs and often will go out of their way to offer help. I can’t tell you how many times Jessi has sought me out to see if I need anything, she will often take over something I am doing in order for me to sit down! They all made cookies for me and for the nurse staff. James had such fun handing them out and I am always tickled to say, ‘yep, my children made those.’
One of the benefits of me not being as active is that we have slowed down enough that my kids snuggle with me a lot more! Grace often just comes and lays with me. I love these times; I enjoy the talks that we have. My cuddle and talk times with my kids are often the highlight of my days. They get to down load what’s on their hearts and I get to listen. 🙂
There is much to be grateful for during this time. I am seeing God’s goodness, his provision. We have moments where we struggle but He is always faithful, always there. We remain grateful.
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