Trusting

After our recent meeting with the radiologist, James and I were wiped out physically and emotionally.

We very nearly felt like we were back at the beginning when we received the cancer diagnosis; it briefly knocked our feet out from under us. We needed a few days to recover and regroup.

Several friends sent encouraging words reminding us to hold on to the Truth and promises that God has given us these last months. One friend sent encouragement not even knowing what we were going through! I love when God does this!

Slowly, I came to know that I was able to still rest in God’s arms.

I realized that he has been carrying me, and just because we had been given this scary and unknown (to me) news, that He has not set me down or walked away.

It does not matter what the scenery looks like or that it had changed from what I had expected and hoped. Sure, it is not what I would have chosen, the ground is looking s c a r y!

But what do I care if I am in the arms of my Father? That would be like Sam worrying about the rocks underfoot while James was giving him a piggy back ride. I’ve watched my children being carried over the years and never once have I seen a single one of them care or for that matter even notice what the terrain looked like. Typically they’re either poking and loving on the person holding them or looking with glee at what is ahead of them!

Once I had this mental image in my head, it was easier (practice is making this easier) to rest in His arms and not worry about this valley we are in. He can handle what is underfoot. My job is to rest and to trust.

Yes, I have had some really low moments. Yes, I have cried. Yes, this is hard. Yes, each day is a choice to trust or to fear.

This day I choose to trust. This does not mean that I have not processed some really tough emotions and fears. They continually try to get the best of me. I am learning to face them head on and say NO, talk to the Father, my protector! It is okay to be sad and to cry but not okay to unpack and live there. It is okay, even normal to feel fear, but not okay to wallow and get lost in it.

I am grateful that the Lord is giving me eyes to see these truths and that he is developing my faith. Baby steps.