I am not sure that anyone ever gets used to walking into an oncology waiting room.
You look around at the different faces, and it’s grievous. At least to me it is, my heart carries the memory of their faces.
You can pick out the ones who made it to the other side; they’ve walked through chemo, they’re sporting their new short hair styles and desperately holding on to the hope that the worst is behind them as they try to move on with their life.
There’s the newbies; they still have their hair, they look normal except if you look close enough you can see the “deer in the headlights” look radiating fear as they try to grasp their new scary reality.
Then there’s the ones in the middle of treatment; they’re usually bald which is a tell-tale sign of chemo and cancer. Some proudly bare their baldness, some wear a hat or a scarf to cover while some hide under a wig trying to look normal. They’re all trying to just get through. Some will. Some won’t.
There is a mixture of despair and hope, you can feel it, you can almost taste it.
It is a sad place to be.
The nurses and medical staff contribute to the feel of the place. We’ve been privileged to receive their kind service. How they keep a smile on their face as they go about their work day in and day out is beyond me. I wonder if they grow calloused or if they feel the woes of each patient? Do they break under the burdens, or are they able to find release?
Thursday the 7th was my last chemo; # 6 of 6 chemotherapy infusions.
It is a milestone for sure. One I would rather not have ever celebrated. One that I have barely been able to acknowledge because my heart has been too busy, too heavy with processing and grieving the next steps ahead of me.
But the chemo part is done. We made it. I survived.
I survived.
James would say, “High five! Success!”
Our day was brightened several times by some surprise visitors! 🙂 My heart was gladdened at the sight of their sweet and familiar faces.
Meanwhile, with the assistance of another dear friend my kids were busy working on their own sweet surprises:
Jess made me a coffee mug! I cannot wait to have coffee in it tomorrow morning!
Sam painted a horse for me!
Grace made a heart plate with our secret code!
They made quite the procession as they walked in bearing their gifts, balloons and these gorgeous flowers! But my favorite part was seeing their radiant faces, sweet smiles and eyes sparkling their joy for us. I sure do like these munchkins. 🙂
A celebration wouldn’t be complete without balloons!
We spent a quiet night at home, cuddled up on the couch watching a family movie. It was a sweet and restful time. I am grateful for my precious family and sweet friends.
We are grateful for all of you who have cheered me through chemo, prayed for us and supported us through this first phase.
The Doctors will give my body time to heal and recover from this last round of chemo, about 4-5 weeks or so. The hope is that after the chemo runs its course, I will have some time to nurture my body back to a steadier, healthy place.
There is not an exact plan in place for the next phase; we have to wait for my white cells and other labs to show that my numbers are at a good level before we go through surgery. The loose plan is recover from chemo, surgery, heal from surgery, radiation, more healing and more surgeries.
All the while I will still be going in for infusions every 3 weeks, but these visits will be much shorter, and the side effects from this medication should be super mild. The exact dates and exact steps are yet to be determined. We have a couple more doctor visits and more information to gather.
We appreciate your prayers while we are still seeking guidance and need discernment for the next several steps.
Thank you for being there for us. Our hearts are full.
Teddie says
Always thinking of you and praying for you. I love you, sweet Sarah!
Christine Taylor says
Sarah,
When I think of everything you have been through , I am awed at your amazing strength. When I heard 2 people say the same thing in the same week, I thought of you.
Dr Wayne Dyer puts it like this:
“I have no rigidity within me. I can bend to any wind and remain unbroken. I will use the strength of the wind to make me even stronger and better preserved.”
Joel Olsteen calls that wind God.
God Bless you Sarah, you give us all courage.
Our continued prayers are with you,
Christine Taylor
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