Matthew 5:9 Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God.

I recently  wrote a post about considering our circumstances pure joy. The weight of that scripture has been re-shaping my heart and thoughts. But what happens when your joy is challenged and you struggle to consider something pure joy?

It can be difficult to live out one’s revelations. No sooner had I posted,‘Consider it Pure Joy’, I was challenged. Oh, yeah, you think you can consider it all pure joy.. let’s test that theory… and thus began several very painful days of wrestling through some really tough emotions. Emotions that were 24 year’s old. A situation, innocent of any malice, happened that stirred up old emotions. Emotions that I have never dealt with, never fully processed or forgiven. Emotions I had stuffed.

I am an excellent stuffer. I know how to stuff hurt feelings and put on my happy face faster than you can say what’s wrong. You may know someone like me, they consider themselves a peacekeeper, and most likely, they’re somewhat proud of that title. They’re also very burdened.

What I did not understand for a large part of my life was that there is a huge difference between a peacekeeper and a peacemaker. The former keeps a sort of fake peace while the latter, although it can be messy and painful, makes real peace.

Simply put, a peacekeeper goes through extreme measures to keep the peace at all costs. The trouble is this is not real peace. This is the person who will sweep the elephant under the rug and place a coffee table on top just so everything looks fine. Who cares that there’s a big lump. If we don’t discuss it, if we just play nice, all will be fine.

Well, except it is not all fine. Deep down I’ve known that. But for years, I’ve lacked the tools to change. Who wants to voluntarily wade through a river of hurt?

Honestly, not me. I don’t deal well with conflict, I am the one who will tell people to just be nice. Truthfully, I am so out of my depth in writing about this. I have too many years of experience at stuffing feelings (keeping the peace), and much less experience in dealing with conflict and hurt with grace and truth (peacemaker).

Peacemakers cut through the hurt and the pain, with grace and truth, to bring about real peace, lasting peace.

Lasting peace.. do you know how beautiful that is?

Thankfully, I have just enough experience with that real peace to know that it is possible. I also know that is is infinity times better than that fake peace I’ve been pushing all these years.

I still don’t have all the necessary tools, but I do have Jesus; and thankfully, He does have all the tools.

John 1:17
For the law was given through Moses;
grace and truth came through Jesus Christ.

How do you apply grace and truth when old feelings bubble up? In an unguarded instant, I was a fourteen year old kid again; those old, unresolved, unforgiven feelings did a good job stealing my joy.

I spent the next several days wrestling through these old feelings. Part of me felt paralyzed. A part of me felt justified in nursing these old hurts. Thankfully, a bigger part of me was desperate for truth, to be rid of these feelings that had the potential of wreaking so much havoc on my life and robbing me of joy. I was mad that they were intruding in the present day. I also knew they wouldn’t be easily stuffed again, it was time to actually do something with them.

How dare they resurface after I had so diligently stuffed them?

That’s the thing with feelings you’ve stuffed, eventually they will seep out and demand to be reconciled. I am so grateful that Jesus quietly and sweetly breathed Truth into the situation allowing me to forgive and to take captive the thoughts that had been lurking underneath the surface of my heart for so long. Even though I considered them inactive, they were quietly causing more damage than I knew, tainting my present day interactions with my loved ones.

I began to see my hurt in a new light, with a new perspective. It was painful to see. But, I am finally at a place to start the process of forgiving and applying grace; as a result, I can breathe and live more freely in my current relationships.

My natural self will likely always be bent towards being a conflict avoider who stuffs feelings to avoid wading through the hard parts of relationships. But that’s not good enough anymore. If I am to break free and live free, I must learn to speak both truth and grace. It will not always be easy, and I can only do this because of Jesus in me. Because He has forgiven me, I can also forgive. And in doing so, I will taste His lasting peace.

Once you truly give something up, truly forgive, it is amazing how the hold it once held is loosened, and you are truly free from it. I want this, I want to be free from past hurts that try to dictate my life today.

May He truly remake me into a peacemaker. May I be His vessel of grace and truth.

James 3:18 Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness.

While rebuilding my health, I find myself considering the future and what I am to do with it. Over the last few years, much has changed and God has been chipping away at so many things that do not belong in my heart and life. He’s been wooing me to fully trust in him.
We’ve been slowly reading the book, ‘The Essentialist’ and this question caught my attention, “What does God want you to go big on?’
Much has changed, I’ve yielded much over the last few years, including my expectations and desires, and as I rebuild it is tempting to just go on with life, slip into old habits. 
However, I no longer fit into those habits no matter how much they pull at me. 
My perspective has changed, is still changing, and I want to rebuild on what He has for me, not on old habits and perspectives. I want something new, better than the old stuff from which He has delivered me. 
Over and over again, I place my hope in Him. Sometimes I feel as if I am caught in a tug of war, trying to take it back before I yield to him. 
Again, I must release, “Your will be done.” 
Deep peace comes with truly yielding. Why do we pick up needless burdens so often, trying to make it our way, our will? When will I learn that His ways are always best? I want to truly rely on him, to truly remember in each and every moment that He is my sustainer. 
I want to remember to live fully unto him, “Here I am.” He will supply the big. I only have to follow.  
Psalm 40

1 I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. 

2 He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and the mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. 

3 He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear the Lord and put their trust in him. 

4 Blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, who does not look to the proud, to those who turn aside to false gods. 

5 Many, Lord my God, are the wonders you have done, the things you planned for us. None can compare with you; were I to speak and tell of your deeds, they would be too many to declare. 

6 Sacrifice and offering you did not desire – but my ears your have pierced (opened) – burnt offerings and sin offerings you did not require. 
7 Then I said, “Here I am, I have come – it is written about me in the scroll. 

8 I desire to do your will, my God; you law is with my heart.”

Even before cancer, I was intrigued with diet and nutrition and was known to encourage others (AKA annoy the heck out of those closest to me) to make healthy choices. This hasn’t changed; if anything, I have more of a reason to encourage others to be healthy.

When we first visited our oncologist pre-treatment, he told us nutrition would make no difference in my fight against cancer. Thankfully, we did our own research and followed some basic but helpful habits that helped me fight cancer and get through the treatment. 

Throughout our cancer journey, I’ve had several medical personnel comment on how healthy I was which always boggled my mind, since I was being treated FOR cancer! I now understand that in comparison to many of the patients they see, I was/am healthy. I did not have any of the other diseases or as many of the symptoms most patients also experience with cancer. When I fill out medical forms, the only box I check off is cancer. This is something that has greatly bothered me, I’ve never had to check any major boxes. To have to check off that cancer box feels like a huge weight, and I hate the label that will follow me the rest of my life.

During our last visit with our oncologist, we witnessed a complete change of heart in his stance on health and nutrition. We are impressed with how he now believes  that nutrition makes a huge difference in one’s health and ability to prevent major disease.

After his heart attack and near brush with death, he has been diligently researching and implementing healthy changes in his diet. He has learned that the same causes of cancer, poor diet and nutrition, also lead to heart disease. 

He is now passionately encouraging and educating his patients to have a healthy diet. It was a refreshing appointment. He was a great doctor before, but my level of respect for him has grown. I hope more doctors will follow his lead. 
Which brings me to back to getting healthy. We’ve learned a lot along the way, and we would love to encourage (or annoy) you on your own journey to reclaim your health. This looks different for every one of us, we are each so uniquely made. 
I’ve realized that there is no magic pill to make me well, we’ve been piecing it all together as we go, it’s like a giant puzzle. There’s many different pieces, and I am grateful for each piece of knowledge we’ve gained.

We recently completed a program called the 30 Days to Healthy Living Detox; we are both excited to see and feel improvements in our health. So much so, that we are implementing many of the habits from the program into our daily life. This has become another tool in my toolbox for building my health. 

James saw several bothersome and potentially scary symptoms clear up as a result of this gentle detox. We’ve both lost weight and are feeling better. Even our kids who joined us for a less strict version, conceded that it made them feel better, too!  While on it, my daughter who suffers from serious migraines, had zero headaches! My father in law  followed the program as well, he saw his blood sugar and other numbers drop into the normal range. For the first time, his doctor actually smiled at him! The results convinced him to do another 30 days. 

 1 Timothy 4:4-5

 For everything God created is good, and nothing is to be rejected  if it is received with thanksgiving, because it is consecrated by the    word of God and prayer.

Sometimes, it feels too big to make changes in your diet. Maybe you don’t even know where to start. If you are interested in feeling better and reclaiming your health, talk to us. We would love to walk this journey with you and explore your options.

 Psalm 18:1-2
 I love you, O Lord, my strength.

 The Lord is my God is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer;

 My God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. 

For a long time, I had all but stopped exercising. It was too taxing on my body and my energy reserves; adding anything strenuous beyond day to day living would result in a major crash. I have long waited for the day when I could start rebuilding my strength and health with consistent exercise. 

I feel like that day has finally come; tentatively, I have slowly but consistently started exercising gain. For the first time in a long time, I am actually beginning to see some of the benefits exercise brings. So far, I am holding steady. I cannot tell you how exciting this is to me! I am hopeful that I will be able to rebuild some of my stamina and strength. 

My heart is so grateful for this. I’ve always felt better when exercising, and I have missed it. There’s nothing like a good work out, and while I am not at full work out stage, yet! – I am hopeful that I will get there. 

I have learned that accountability and camaraderie helps keep me motivated, to not quit when the going gets rough as it inevitably will. This is probably true in many parts of life, two are often better than one.  

I am sure we are all at different stages, but If you would like to add exercise into your life, I’m inviting you to join me in some capacity. This could mean we keep other accountable by encouraging texts, or reminders. Or, if you’re local, I would love company and will be setting up some specific times over the summer to exercise. Message me if you would like to partner with me, so we can discuss details.

If you are already doing your own thing, I would love to hear your routine and what keeps you motivated. And – please, keep those movie and book suggestions coming! Once I have a good list, I will share on a future post in addition with some local activities for those of you looking for fun activities to do as a family this summer. 

Summer Lovin’ 
If you’re like our family, you’re past ready to ease into summer.
This year has been challenging for many reasons, but we held steady and did well. As we finish up our school year and transition into summer, we are thinking through logistics of what we want this summer to look like. 
This will be the first summer in a while that we do not have anything medical happening in our lives. As you all know, the past two summers have been hard in the Denman household, first with chemo, then with a major surgery, so as we’ve approached this summer, we’ve been really praying through what it should look like. We are determined to be more purposeful with our time, to give space for making family memories, and space for resting and recouping. It feels like a second chance of sorts, a chance to reclaim some lost time. 
We plan to kick off our summer by tagging along with James on a business trip. While he’s busy working and studying, the kids and I have an elaborate plan to spend the week being lazy hotel bums. We won’t do a single touristy thing, we may not even leave the hotel, y’all. Our to do list consists of sleeping, reading, watching movies, swimming and repeat. 
Doesn’t that sound simply marvelous? 
If you have any good book or movie recommendations, we would love to add them to our list! 
When we return, we will enjoy a visit from a nephew and a short trip to the coast for more relaxing family memories. We will also make time for baby snuggles with our newest nephew. 
After two summers of not being able to go and do, it is exciting to know that I have this summer to build some memories with my kids. I want to be purposeful with my time and effort. We’ve been processing what that looks like, and I would like to share with you in the next couple posts some of what the Denman family will be up to.
If any of it sounds appealing to you, feel free to join us! We’d love to hear what makes summer special for your family, too! 

My sweet nephew, baby Isaiah arrived yesterday weighing 6 lbs and 15 oz! He is beautiful! Yesterday was a bit of a rough day for him and my sister. After nursing for a good 30-45 minutes, he started grunting and had difficulty breathing, so they insisted on bringing him to NICU for observation. Liana remained nauseated most of the day, and unable to hold food down. 
Thankfully, they finally conceded to unite mama with Isaiah, and he did much better with skin to skin contact! He is 100% better today, he is breathing well and Mama is no longer throwing up! We are so grateful! Thank you for all of your prayers! He was with us and so merciful! He is a good God. 
While my sister recovers in the hospital, I am privileged to watch her boys, the proud big brothers. As I was cleaning my room this evening, I couldn’t help but smile listening to them giggle and growl and make all sorts of boy noises from the sanctuary of their homemade fort that’s taken over our entire living room. I’ve forgotten how fun and entertaining it is to have little people underfoot all day! They’ve brightened up our rainy indoor day considerably! 

We appreciate all of your kind words and prayers regarding the loss of my mom. The whole family is grieving, all in different ways. It has been lot to process, and we are slowly working through it. 

Isaiah 60:1

Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the lord rises upon you. 

Sarah