The results for my genetic (BRAC) tests came in, everything was negative.

Yes, you read that right. Let me repeat that in case you missed it, EVERYTHING was NEGATIVE. Mutations in my genes were not detected.

We are still processing and accepting such good news.

Relief.

Gladness.

Gratefulness.

Thank you, Jesus.

This allows for a different approach with surgeries. The first surgery will be September the 24th. Of all the surgeries expected, this one should be the easier one. The surgeon says recovery will be easy, she doesn’t expect that I should need much help afterward. I will be in the hospital just one night if all goes well.

We met last Friday with the Nutritional Counselor. I really appreciated this visit. He gave us many suggestions for rebuilding my health with diet and supplements and even addressed some of my lingering side effects. He also answered some of our questions about why surgery and radiation were necessary and explained why there could be microscopic disease left.

I walked away with another level of understanding.

The Lord keeps providing for our needs as we continue on this journey. Our faith walk keeps growing as he molds us.

Thank you for your continued prayers and support. We are grateful.

Now if we are children, then we are heirs – heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory. Romans 8:17

I went about my business almost all day last Thursday without realizing it would normally be a chemo day. When James pointed it out to me I could hardly believe it! I immediately declared it ‘Official Non-Chemo Day’ and decided ice cream was in order! I think I will have some more Non-Chemo Days!

That same afternoon we visited the ENT for the biopsy of the nodule they found on my thyroid. Thankfully it was a short procedure. It gave me a small taste of what it must feel like to be choked. Bleh. Another reason I decided ice cream was definitely needed!

Tuesday (9/2) the doctor called to tell me that the biopsy results were in, the nodule was benign. YAY! We are grateful. He will do a follow up ultra sound in 6 months.

It is four weeks after my last chemo, and I am still recovering with residual side effects. The return of energy feels agonizingly s l o w. I do feel like I have made some progress over the last few days, just some tiny baby steps in the right direction.

Emotionally this has been very challenging. I know God is at work within my heart. This feels agonizingly s l o w as well. I want the quick fix version. I have been humbly reminded time and again that I am not on my time table, but His.

We are waiting to meet with the Oncology PA on the 9th of September. The results from BRCA (genetic) tests will be in, and we will discuss a definite game plan and should have a date for surgery. If the results are negative, we will have much better surgery and continuing care options. If it comes back positive, we will be dealing with a whole new can of worms. Obviously, we are hoping the results are negative! But we are trying to leave that in God’s hands.

After the surgery we will wait 2-3 weeks to begin radiation; I expect it to begin early in October.

Towards the end of radiation I will meet with the reconstructive surgeon again to discuss the next surgery options. We plan to give my body 6 months to heal from radiation before proceeding.

We are really grateful for the love of friends and family who continue to jump in with help and support. Your encouragement and prayers are felt.

I am not sure that anyone ever gets used to walking into an oncology waiting room.

You look around at the different faces, and it’s grievous. At least to me it is, my heart carries the memory of their faces.

You can pick out the ones who made it to the other side; they’ve walked through chemo, they’re sporting their new short hair styles and desperately holding on to the hope that the worst is behind them as they try to move on with their life.

There’s the newbies; they still have their hair, they look normal except if you look close enough you can see the “deer in the headlights” look radiating fear as they try to grasp their new scary reality.

Then there’s the ones in the middle of treatment; they’re usually bald which is a tell-tale sign of chemo and cancer. Some proudly bare their baldness, some wear a hat or a scarf to cover while some hide under a wig trying to look normal. They’re all trying to just get through. Some will. Some won’t.

There is a mixture of despair and hope, you can feel it, you can almost taste it.

It is a sad place to be.

The nurses and medical staff contribute to the feel of the place. We’ve been privileged to receive their kind service. How they keep a smile on their face as they go about their work day in and day out is beyond me. I wonder if they grow calloused or if they feel the woes of each patient? Do they break under the burdens, or are they able to find release?

Thursday the 7th was my last chemo; # 6 of 6 chemotherapy infusions.

It is a milestone for sure. One I would rather not have ever celebrated. One that I have barely been able to acknowledge because my heart has been too busy, too heavy with processing and grieving the next steps ahead of me.

But the chemo part is done. We made it. I survived.

I survived.

James would say, “High five! Success!”

Our day was brightened several times by some surprise visitors! 🙂 My heart was gladdened at the sight of their sweet and familiar faces.

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Over this past year our family has witnessed countless rainbows. I love rainbows, they hold a symbolic reminder of God’s promises; they hold a sense of mysteriousness for me and yet they reveal a glimpse of God’s glory. It is like he is showing off for us! I have seen so many rainbows this last year that I’ve begun to wonder why. I’ve never in my life seen so many so often. We have seen full double rainbows, half and partial rainbows.

My favorite rainbow siting was spotted right after a quick but marvelous summer thunderstorm just as the sun was setting. To the right of us the clouds were tightly woven together mixing shadows and brilliant color as only God can do. The air smelled new and sweet and in front of us the clouds were thinner revealing a gorgeous double rainbow; we could see it all the way down to where it faded right into the ground!

It was breathtaking, I hope each of you gets to witness this sweet beauty personally at some point.

There is beauty everywhere, there is good for those who look for good. There’s more to see than what meets the eye.

One of my dearest and closest lifelong friends who has struggled with chronic illnesses for most of her life continues to encourage me even while she battles through her own struggles. She recently sent me an encouraging note with the following written inside, I hope you get as much out of it as I did:Continue Reading

After our recent meeting with the radiologist, James and I were wiped out physically and emotionally.

We very nearly felt like we were back at the beginning when we received the cancer diagnosis; it briefly knocked our feet out from under us. We needed a few days to recover and regroup.

Several friends sent encouraging words reminding us to hold on to the Truth and promises that God has given us these last months. One friend sent encouragement not even knowing what we were going through! I love when God does this!

Slowly, I came to know that I was able to still rest in God’s arms.

I realized that he has been carrying me, and just because we had been given this scary and unknown (to me) news, that He has not set me down or walked away.

It does not matter what the scenery looks like or that it had changed from what I had expected and hoped. Sure, it is not what I would have chosen, the ground is looking s c a r y!

But what do I care if I am in the arms of my Father? That would be like Sam worrying about the rocks underfoot while James was giving him a piggy back ride. Continue Reading

Our hearts are heavy. We met with a Radiologist Oncologist. We went in expecting it to be an in and out visit; he was supposed to be awed by how great I had responded to treatment and send us on our merry way (Can you picture naive Pollyanna dancing around?).

Um, no. Enter harsh reality.

He did agree that I have responded well to treatment. However, after examining me, he told us that the tumor was still there. We were completely surprised and dismayed to hear this but he showed us, we could feel it. He did concede, after James told him our oncologist said it was gone, that it is possible that it could be damaged tissue from the tumor. But it is in the exact spot and shape of the tumor so it is highly suspicious.

He went over our pathology report with us and drew some pictures so we could better understand what was going on. He also showed us some illustrations from a book. I would say we have unveiled another layer of understanding this thing.

I wanted to scream.

I think I have been downplaying the seriousness of it, in my mind we had already whipped it; I have been ready to move on (sweet Pollyanna). This meeting was a major downer. We learned a bit more about how aggressive this cancer is; the fact that it had broken out of the ducts and had spread to the lymph nodes does not speak kindly of the cancer. The characteristics of the cancer are not friendly, they do not look like the original cell much. They’ve distorted at an alarming rate.

Stupid cancer. My body is not a play ground for their antics, it is not home for them.Continue Reading