Sarah Denman

We start our chemo treatment tomorrow (Thursday the 24th). We arrive at 8:45 for labs, 9:00 for another chemo teach and around 10 I will start my infusion. They said to expect to be there all day because they will start this slowly and monitor how I handle everything. Future visits should be shorter.

My heart is at peace. It is amazing really. Two weeks ago I think I would have been having a panic attack. Today I am at peace. I am grateful for the time we’ve had, time to process, learn more, focus on nutrition and strengthening my body. We’ve seen a huge difference in these last few weeks,  amazingly I am feeling better. I have been tired but not crashing as I typically would.

James has shared this vision he has of me in a boxing ring with cancer. He has seen this time before treatment as a training time and I have been circling the ring saying, “Not yet, not yet. But just you wait until I’m ready.” We’re gonna take you out! I feel ready.

God has been at work within me on some emotional heart issues. Over and over this topic has come up from various sources. He has been drawing things out that have been stagnating inside and bringing healing and peace. I am so grateful.

My neighbor has prayed, ‘May Abba’s peace chase you down and overtake you!”. I know several others have been praying similar prayers. I like that analogy that brings to mind, being overtaken by peace! I would have to say it is happening! Old habits are hard to break and I have found myself trying to think of something to fret about only to have the thought dissipate. Bad thoughts are not sticking. It is like there is not anything for them to root in. I love it. I have not done anything to earn this peace. But freely it has been given, this peace that surpasses all understanding.

Did I tell you that I was grateful? I am. I am grateful for so many things, too much to name all here.

We cherish your prayers as we go forward. My prayer is that God will reach down and grab hold of your heart in a new way as you walk with us. If you are walking this with us that he will minister to your heart and show you his love for you, too.

Gratefully,
Sarah

Friday’s port install went well. We were pushed back an hour, so we didn’t get started until around 10. They gave me a “margarita” through the IV and the last thing I remember was being wheeled into a room with a lot of equipment. When they were finished, I woke to a loud, “Sarah!” James joined me in recovery.

I was very groggy but unfortunately for him my wits were about me, and he didn’t get to tease me! After a procedure he had a couple years back, we had fun with him because he kept asking the same things over and over. He was hoping to have a chance to tease me the same. I was tired but coherent! 🙂

We were able to leave fairly soon for our long trek home. I was more sore than I expected to be. I was grateful for ice and the pain meds.

Today it is still tender but I am able to move my arm around quite a but more.

We plan to have a family day and enjoy the outdoors!

Thank you for praying with us. We feel very blessed by all the love and support.

We plan to start chemo this Thursday (24th) morning. Right now I feel okay about this. But my emotions have been all over the place about it. Several have said this phase is the hardest, the not knowing. I feel like I am holding my breath, waiting. But also want to suck every piece of joy and life up before we go into this next stage.

On Tuesday a dear friend is starting chemo with our same doctor. Please pray for her if the Lord lays her on your heart, her name is Jean. She has been a very big blessing to me in all of this.

Happy Easter! I hope each of you come to know the saving grace this holiday represents more fully.

Sarah’s friends are hosting a garage sale for her on May 2nd and 3rd.

If you have anything of value you’d like to donate to be sold, please contact Cristal soon: cristalcolleen at yahoo.com

Please be considerate and make sure things are in good condition, washed and complete, easy to sell.

If you’d like to donate baked goods or would like to help during the sale, please let her know as well.

Our hope is that people will not only buy the goods – “one man’s ‘junk’ is another man’s treasure” – but consider donating above and beyond when they hear Sarah’s story. All proceeds will go to their family, for medical expenses and grocery gift cards.

Thanks for all of your help!!!!

We liked the surgeon we met with today, Patricia Moorison. She spent a good deal of time talking with us and went our speed! She explained several things so that we have another layer of understanding. Each time we go to an appointment, we glean a bit more of the whole picture.

Tomorrow afternoon I have my pre-op appointment. Friday morning I am scheduled for the port install. It should be a short procedure, we are scheduled for 9 am, and I should be in recovery within an hour. The port will be placed just under my collar bone.

We should have a quiet evening at home. I will be groggy, but there shouldn’t be too much pain associated with this procedure. We hope to enjoy some family time Saturday and Sunday.

Post Chemo Surgery Options

She agreed with the oncologist about doing chemo prior to surgery. She also explained some of our options for surgery. Due to size of the tumor, the additional tumor lesions and the lymph nodes, I will probably not be eligible for a lumpectomy. At the least she expects to perform a single mastectomy but most likely her recommendation will be a double mastectomy. Of course, we will have to re-evaluate after chemo.

There are a lot of variables that could change the exact course of action we will take. She explained that the small satellite lesions surrounding the tumor are not part of the big tumor, but they are likely the beginning of individual tumors. We had not understood this, we just thought they were part of the original tumor.

I have purposely not researched what each of these surgeries entails. She gave us a brief overview. It was not a pretty picture. I am squeamish about these things, listening to her talk about how they would cut my breast open was not very comforting. The hope is that the chemo will shrink it so that when she goes in for surgery we will have clean margins.

We asked about the size of the tumor, if you remember Dr. Fain measured it at 3 cm and we wondered could it be shrinking? She says it is likely still 5 cm, the exterior part that we can see and feel is around 3 cm but if you look at the MRI films, the part that is against the wall of my chest is larger and likely where they got the 5 cm measurement.

I’ve been spending a lot of extra time in the car. I don’t usually like driving, but I haven’t minded it lately.

Every time I get out, I am surrounded by beauty! It’s spring! I love spring, the fresh greenery, the wildflowers, new beginning, new life.

The kids have seen a dove nesting and partially watched her lay her eggs and scold her mate for bringing the wrong nest supplies! We’ve observed calves in the fields. I’ve noticed scissor tails everywhere! The kids saw an owlet who had fallen out of his nest. The birds are chirping and happy as they go about their business. We’ve had some nice spring storms with that musty, just rained smell followed by a beautiful rainbow lighting up our sky! It’s been delightful.

It doesn’t feel right that in the midst of all this newness we are starting a path filled with so much uncertainty. James expressed our hearts well, he said, “my mind and my body are terrified, but my heart is at peace.” This is true.

When my flesh starts pondering what is going on in my body, it is terrified. But when my heart stays focused on God, I am at peace. The two are definitely trying to fight for prime real estate. I guess the one I feed will win.

Jesus already has the victory here, and I will continue to rest in his peace and let him lead me. It’s not that we aren’t struggling, we are. There is no way we could get through this without His covering.

As scared and as sad as I’ve been, at times I have felt wrapped in His love as if He had me snuggled on his lap. Through this darkness, He has walked with me and carried me when necessary. I know He will continue to as we go forward. I don’t understand why we are here entirely, but I know He does.

This week has started, and I am sitting in the first of 5 appointments this week. But the drive here was gorgeous. God has graced our countryside with beauty if you have the eyes to see it. My sister is watching my kids at a nearby park, they’re getting some cherished cousin playtime in! I am sitting and resting. As I sit here and my heart feels at peace. One day at a time. He will lead me.

Post script:
My drive home was guided by a beautiful sunset and the rising full moon on the other side. It was truly spectacular.